What It’s Really Like to Be a Financial Dominatrix: An English Mistress Shares Her Story

By Re

Each morning, 46-year-old Demanding Dutchess reaches for the note left for her, begging to service her. She puts it aside and crawls out of bed to open the doors to her private garden, greet the birds good morning and let her dogs out to run before pouring herself a coffee. It’s early, sometimes only 6 am, but she’s a lot to do. Some days, she’s busy crafting voodoo dolls or reciting rituals; other days, she spends hours reading about European witchcrafts or Tibetan Buddhism. But before she does anything, the self-proclaimed witch logs in to her Instagram to check her direct messages.

The Dutchess—who’s asked that her birth name remain concealed to protect her clients’ fantasies—is looking for work, building a lucrative business through financial domination.

Slaves, submissives, pets or “pay pigs,” as they’re called in the fin-dom world, transfer large sums of money to women—dominatrixes, mistresses or princesses—over the internet. The nuances vary, but slaves offer “tributes” that could be anything from regular monetary donations to gifts from mistresses’ Amazon wishlists. That, or they surrender complete control of their finances, earning some mistresses upwards of $6,000 a month. The fetish itself isn’t inherently sexual, but the act of being “wallet raped,” it’s often called, arouses clients.

“If you want to serve, you have to pay me for your nasty ass taking up my time,” the Dutchess says, noting that she doesn’t have any fetishes of her own but is obsessed with the psychology behind submissives’ devotion.

It was back in 2008 in a quiet coffee shop in Amsterdam that she got started. She’d met a woman who owns a dungeon in England, and they struck up a conversation that’d stick with the Dutchess. Wanting to give it a try herself, she began doing real-time sessions with submissives she’d meet off Instagram. She built a website delineating her rules of conduct—capitalizing her name and pronouns, referring to her as “mistress” and obeying her word—and offering cam and KIK sexting sessions, though she seldom promoted those. She’d also worked as a body piercer and in clothing and coffee shops alike, so she was never necessarily desperate for money.

“If your fetish is equal with my likings, then you are lucky,” she says staunchly, explaining that she only proceeds with messages from men if their fetishes align with her interests—and of course only when they send tributes first. Her basic hard limits: “no animals, no children, no demented old people, no people involved who have a mental handicap and no hypnosis because… that’s just bull shit.”

“But sometimes they have these special orders,” she says. “‘I want you to dominate me, but only if you have no pubic hair.’ I don’t take orders. There’s a whole internet of women who are willing to shave off their pubic hair for a certain slave experience… A true submissive would never ever come to me with this shit.”

But around the same time the Dutchess was starting out in the fin-dom world, she says 18-year-old women were just beginning to spoil the business.

“Men want nice and easy, cheap and sleazy, and these younger girls are more into that,” she says of their willingness to take orders and actually offer explicit imagery, videos or sexts in exchange for the money using the hashtag #paytoplay. “True submissives don’t have expectations; they want nothing in return. This other shit is short-term gratification—what happens when the computer is switched off, men don’t give a shit.”

For the Dutchess, financial domination is a lifestyle, and she prefers to get to know her submissives; one, in particular, has stuck with her long enough that he’s now her contracted slave with a tattoo and collar.

She met him online in 2008. At the time, the Dutchess still lived in Amsterdam and her slave, 59, lived in Essex County, England where he’s a director at his company—ironic given how subservient he is outside of the office. He was married once but, because he was honest with his then-wife, it was “no biggie” when he opted to seek out mistresses in lieu of his partner. He bought the Dutchess a corset to start and traveled between his home and Amsterdam before inviting her to move in with him and run their “female-led household” in 2010. Though their relationship is strictly platonic, he now serves her as a traditional butler and chauffeur.

“Now, it’s past acting; he’s more like family,” she says. “I see him every day. It’s difficult to keep it as abstract as some people think that it is in real life. At the end of the day, you still deal with people and their own troubles and their own private matters.”

Both their families and friends even know about their situation. In fact, the Dutchess is a mother of an 18-year-old son, with whom she was honest from day one. Her son, who lives with his father back in Amsterdam, thinks it’s all “very funny.”

“I gave him the underage explanation: There are people who are called submissives and they like to be like butlers and do specific things like sniff shoes and socks,” she jokes.

Her son laughs, but the other men in her life don’t find it quite as amusing. The Dutchess has tried dating, but her lifestyle choices aren’t always an easy conversation.

“My slave collects old-timers and, at the time when I was dating guys, he had two Cadillacs in front of the house and a Corvette and a Camaro,” she explains. “So [my dates would] come around and see the cars and think that is what they had to live up to; it’s always a competition with men—who has the biggest dick and the fastest car. I tell them it’s not why I want to go out with them… It’s not about the money. But they feel intimated by it.”

Because of her work in the fin-dom world, she also says she’s seen a side of some men—those who are willing to “fuck up their family lives to feed the hunger of their fetishes”—that disgusts her. Consequentially, she has little interest in dating anymore.

In fact, she’s even taken down her website before because some direct messages she receives can be overwhelmingly uncouth.

Of course, Instagram has policies against discriminatory messages and unsolicited images. A trained global team of reviewers respond to reports around the clock, and the content is taken down if it violates policy.

While these policies might hinder the work of some mistresses who do beckon submissives with hashtags like #findom, which has been used more than 300,000 times, #paypigs, which has been used more than 100,000 times, #financialdomination or #walletrape, for pickier mistresses like the Dutchess, the social media platform’s guidelines make life a lot easier. She says her block list is longer than her list of accepted messages.

Though she admits that if she didn’t have a fulltime slave with whom she lives, she’d probably demand more of her social media followers like other online mistresses who use the platform to promote their Amazon wishlists.

On top of her own wishlist, she says she has plenty. She has an elephant adopted in her name, which lives in a nearby zoo. She has a dog from Greece, and she has a number of cars that she doesn’t drive but she does admire in the driveway, like a vintage Land Rover from the Navy. The clothing in her closet, the jewelry on her dresser and the tattoos on her body are all tributes.

The Dutchess even donates a lot of her money to charity, like the Soi Dog Foundation, which endeavors to improve the welfare of dogs and cats in Asia. Likewise, she gives money to nearby hospices that care for parents of terminally ill children.

“I think, when you have a little, you give a little; when you can, you just do,” she says, acknowledging that she’s a bit of a “myth-buster” happy to denounce people’s preconceived notions about being a financial dominatrix. “I try to make people see that being a mistress, you still need to go to the toilet, you still need to walk your dog, and you’re still a normal person with fears and desires and illnesses or whatever… It doesn’t mean you’re a natural-born bitch or need to be an asshole all the time.”

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